Just Friends – Sexism and The Nice Guy

We thought our Nerdfox Readers would appreciate this thoughtful analysis on the pop-culture phenomenon of the “Friend zone.” Like many things in pop-culture, it seems sort of accurate, but secretly it might be rotting out your brain and ruining your ability to have authentic relationships with humans as equal humans. Read more than the quote below for some thoughtful thoughts full of thinking.

From Foz Meadows on Tumblr: 

I cannot state this clearly enough: if you really believe in equality, then you have to acknowledge the fact that women have a right to say no. That no matter how pure and true your feelings, your ladylove is under no obligation whatever to reciprocate them, because friendship is not a business transaction, and women are allowed to want male friends. Yes, it is difficult and sad and heartbreaking to love someone who doesn’t love you back, and doubly so when that person is a friend. Believe me; I speak from experience. This is not a fun thing to endure! But discounting the woman as a bitch, a user, a timewaster, a whore with no taste who only wants to sleep with arseholes instead of Nice Guys like you is not on. It is pure, unadulterated sexism: the attitude that friendship with a woman is only ever a stepping-stone to getting into her pants, such that if the pants-getting is off the table, then so too is the friendship.

Which, frankly, is bullshit. If you don’t care enough about someone to enjoy their company and respect their decisions when sex is off the table, then that person is right not to sleep with you, because enjoying someone’s company and respecting their decisions is pretty much how sex gets on the table to start with.

Nerdfox Dance Party Podcast Music Contest

Today at Nerdfoxes International, we are having a damn dance party to these hot free beats over at Free Music Archives. Quick, click the link and get dancing so you can be part of our party! And get out some snacks, parties are all better with snacks.

Ok, now that you are totally partying, a quick update: Danny and Dana have laid down some vocal stylings for the first EVERRRR Nerdfox Podcast in the history of this universe. Pretty amazing.

Also amazing: The Free Music Archives have approximately a kagillion songs that are legal to use in podcasts and other auditory projects, such as personal, private dance parties.

In honor of that, we are having a contest. Suggest some songs for us to listen to and/or put on the podcast and if we pick and/or like your song, we’ll make you a drawing of whatever you want and email it to you. A few LUCKY people may get actually mailed crayon drawings.

Just leave a link to a good song in the comments. It has to be a free song from this website. No tempting us with non-free-to-use from other websites.

UPDATE!  Also, if you fill out our survey, you can also win a prize.  The prize is a drawing.  A few lucky people will win a drawing of themselves riding a unicorn across the hull of a Starship Enterprise.  The class/registry is your choice.

Tested and Tried Ways take Nerdfoxes to Smoocher-ville

From an anonymous reader: 

– Sit at a bar all by yourself on a Sunday night.  Wear something that looks really ridiculous, but maybe intriguing, especially if you’re also reading a piece of classic literature or philosophy.  If there happens to be a person that you think you might be able to convince to smooch you, say something to a person sitting next to that person.

– Don’t have any luck with your target makeout-audience for quite some time.  Then, on a day when lots of your friends are hanging out, maybe one of them will ask another one if that other one will make out with you.  Bizarrely, they sometimes say yes.  Just make sure that you and the smooch-ee know what you’re getting into, or else it might be awkward between you for like a year.

– A few weeks before your attractive friend leaves town for good, have them over to your place for dinner and booze.  Then, once you’re all good and liquored up, suggest that it’d be totally fun to listen to the saddest songs you know.  Turn up really sad romantic music, preferably operatic arias that are sung just before all the main characters die.  You and your attractive friend will be a weepy mess and decide to abscond to a nearby bar and get happy again.  Then ask to kiss them on the cheek.  That’ll lead to full out total-make-out-ville in no time. Fact.

– Once you’ve been totally unsuccessful in finding an attractive Nerdfox to tongue-wrestle for several months, write out a plan to find a Nerdfox love interest on a big sheet of flip-chart paper.  Stick the flip-chart-paper-love-diagram on your refrigerator.  Invite people over.  Nerdfoxes may see your love-diagram and become intrigued with the fact that you are a Nerdfox looking for some sweet action!  Next step is to be totally oblivious to the signs of interest that poor smitten Nerdfox-lover is sending you for at least three weeks.  When you finally get the picture, say in your most confident voice “Uhh Nerdfox-lover, I know this might be totally awkward, but do you want to make out?”

Heated Conversations About Quarks

More submissions for our readers – what will you submit? 

What do you find attractive that might be surprising to the insecure nerdfox?

heated conversations about quarks, boys who give me books to read, boys who read the books i give them, when they listen to justin timberlake and like it, when they talk articulately about their dissertation, when they wish they had brought their apples to apples board game over so we could play. when they get lost driving because they are busy flirting with me * reserved, shy kissers *  winners of the golden horseshoe award, when they rock the moon-boots proudly, when they know exactly what wine to order, when they want to try my salad, when they want to go see documentary movies about bugs. when they ask me good questions. when they are really modest about playing an instrument or doing something really well.

What do you, as a nerdfox, struggle with the most in the romantic or social arena?

clamming up around beautiful eco-babe nerdfoxes, meeting and connecting with other nerdfoxes, mingling with nerdfoxes, finding and keeping true nerdfoxes.

What are good first lines if you don’t really know someone?

Hey, do you play apples to apples?

How do you initiate a smooch?

i’ve heard from a reputable source that “hey…wanna kiss” works wonders. I have also suggested snuggling, which usually leads to some smooching and often more than smooching. offering someone some of your mango works wonders, too. drinking a giant mag of wine together and watching bad movies is also a well-trod path to smooch-land.

How do you gently correct romantic mishaps?

i move.

How do you find nerd foxes?

seek them out in libraries, music halls, music stores, coffee shops, book stores, architecture schools, chem labs, tea houses, rallies, mensa meetings, chess club, art galleries, movie theaters, art communes, apple stores, college towns, and contra dances.

General do’s and don’ts :

do tell me i’m a “good humper”. do give me good books to read. do cultivate an interest in strange trivia.

Worse pick up lines:

“do you play tennis?”

“i have heat sensor glasses on. i saw your body heat”

Are You Married? Take Our Quiz To Find Out!

Some surprises are fun! Some of them are bummers, and finding out that your smoochin’ partner is using you to secretly cheat on their partner is not usually the fun kind of surprise.  Here are some handy tips to help you avoid this situation:

Is Your Date Married? Some tips to find out:

Ask: Are you married? Not even a little bit?
Look: Is there a ring? Don’t forget tan lines or calluses from rings handily forgotten.
Listen: How furtively do they answer the phone? Do a lot of their stories involve people whose names aren’t mentioned?
Google: No shame. It’s a matter of national security.

But how does your date find out if they are married?

Maybe they really didn’t know they were married? Just to be on the safe side, have them take this handy quiz. Note: It is hosted on a dumb website, watch out for ads.

Get your Glorious Glasses Game On, Gorgeous

By Brett, (As seen in Nerdfox Zine Issue One!)
Always try to use two hands when pushing up your glasses on your nose – it shows you are twice as interested than if you use one hand. Unless you are trying to show off, then use one hand, employing one knuckle or one finger at your discretion. In this case the index finger usually works best, but it generally lacks pizzazz.

If you really want to set yourself apart from the crowd, try a different finger (I sometimes use my pinky if I’m feeling quite confident.)

If you are NOT using two hands, it is advisable to ALWAYS push up your glasses at their middle point (the bridge area that rests on the nose) in a maneuver known as the “center-push”. This aids in avoiding uneven positioning.

Unless you are extremely well practiced at the fine art of the super-sexy “one-handed SIDE-push”, I would stick with the center-push when using one hand. Remember to exercise caution when using the center-push, as even the slightest mis-calculation can lead to a lens smudge, which may or may not be a big deal depending on when you last washed your hands and to what extent the smudge impairs your vision.

Bottom line:

the person you are flirting with may not even notice how you go about pushing up your glasses, but don’t let that stop you from having fun with it. Play around with it: try different finger/knuckle combinations, or introduce a tool (spoon, stick, etc).

Another area growing in popularity lately is the “group-push”, whereby, for example, you arrange to have a friend or group of friends periodically walk by and push up your glasses
for you while you flirt with someone.

Finally, if you wear a strap or some other type of restraining device around the back of your head to hold your glasses in place,

then all this is meaningless to you because you have already achieved the ultimate in sex appeal, and you certainly don’t need any flirting advice from me.

Nerdfox 3: Return of the NERDFOX!

Because all great and terrible things are brought to us on this mortal earth in pairs of threes, so the nerdfox overlords have deemed that there should be a third edition of Nerdfoxes Internationale Inc’s zine, “The Nerdfox’s Guide to Loving Nerdfoxes.” As it is written, as it is done (in bed!).

This is a call for submissions. Please forward it near and yonder, and also, over there, and maybe several other places you can think of.

Please send in submissions by December 1st. We need to get this zine done by Jan. 1st so that we can help all the nerdfoxes achieve their New Year’s Resolution of being less sad and more world champion awesome-tron. 

If this date doesn’t work for you, email nerdfox@gmail.com and check in. The Nerdfox overlords are a lenient folk. 

Feel free to read/view existing nerdfox zines for context.

AND ALSO Here are some submission guidelines:

Please send your responses, hilarious anecdotes, cool math jokes, feelings and questions, cartoons, arts, songs, performance art pieces, poems, favorite recipes, night time fantasies and harlequin romances (especially your harlequin romances!) to nerdfox @ gmail . com.

Please also send your nerdfox quandaries – what romantic puzzles would you like our editorial board to solve for you?

Your payment will be a pdf copy of the zine, the narcissistic thrill of seeing your name in print, and knowing that you did what you could to help the hopeless be happy. Also some randomly chosen contributors may receive nerd-themed stitchery. It could happen! No promises.

Send any submissions to the Nerdfoxes Guide to Loving Nerdfoxes zine to Nerdfox AT gmail.com

Take Our VERY IMPORTANT Nerdfox Survey