Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t read the Lord of the Rings, well, why not! Jiminy Crickets!  ! At least watch the movies, and the extended edition, please! All nine hours. They make a great date.

So, there is a LOoOooOve story in the Lord of the Rings, and it provides an excellent lesson in Nerdfoxy Pick Up Lines and some admirable Nerdfox sass. Below, with commentary (from Return of the King, Chapter 5: The Steward and the King):

Then she raised her head and looked at him in the eyes again; and a colour came in her pale face. “How should I ease your care, my lord?” she said. “And I do not desire the speech of living men.”

[Editor’s Note: Folks, this is a great thing to say in a bar to people trying to hit on you, also, to religious people who come knocking on your door.  Also, most of the time, for me, it is true. Say it with me: “I do not desire the speech of living men.” Yesssss.]

“Would you have my plain answer?” he said.

[Editor’s Note: Yes, always a plain answer, straightforwardness is the officially recommended approach from Nerdfoxes Intl., except when we recommend slinking around an issue to avoid awkwardness.]

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“I would.”

“Then, Éowyn of Rohan, I say to you that you are beautiful. In the valleys of your hills there are flowers fair and bright, and maidens fairer still; but neither maiden nor lady have I seen till now in Gondor so lovely, and so sorrowful. It may be that only a few days are left ere darkness falls upon our world, and when it comes I hope to face it steadily; but it would ease my heart, if while the Sun yet shines, I could see you still. For you and I have both passed under the wings of the Shadow, and the same hand drew us back.”

[Editor’s Note: See, I think this is excellent Nerdfox logic. Modern translation: “Hey, you’re really attractive to me (personally I would drop the flowery shit above, but if you are some kind of prince in a fantasy novel, it might be appropriate). I’m kind of depressed that our effed up world is going to hell in a handbasket, but if everything is going to suck, I think it would suck less if I was hanging out with someone as cool as you, and maybe also making out?  We have been through some crazy shit, but here we are.”]

“Alas, not me, lord!” she said. “Shadow lies on me still. Look not to me for healing! I am a shieldmaiden and my hand is ungentle…”

[Editor’s Note: She said no. She’s not feeling it right now. It’s not about you, she has been through some crazy shit and she’s not here to fix you and your damn problems too.  But, look, you gave it a try, and you can still be friends.]

Ok, one more Eowyn quote, from later in the story:

…”Éowyn, why do you tarry here?”

And she said: “Do you not know?”

But he answered: “Two reasons there may be, but which is true, I do not know.”

And she said: “I do not wish to play at riddles. Speak plainer!”

Yeah people, speak plainer! Say what you mean! No wonder she doesn’t desire the speech of living men. Seriously, this is another great quote to memorize when in those early stages of ambiguous flirting. It’s fun for a while, but at some point you might just have to say, “I do not wish to play at riddles. Speak plainer! Are we going to make out or just talk forever? Let me know, so I can plan out whether to get some breathmints or not!”

AAaand spoiler alert – these two end up planting a garden together, and what’s more romantic than that!

Ok, what other nerdy things can we dissect for lessons about nerdfoxing it up with other nerdfoxes? ALSO, I know Lord of the Rings is a sacred cow, so please let us know how much we have butchered your favorite story!